parthenon or pantheon?

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!

So, if you follow Justin Bieber or Lil’ Wayne on twitter, you’ve probably heard rumors that I’ve been contemplating fleeing the sunsphere’s warm rays and seeking shelter under less majestic landmarks. Naturally, I considered all the great monuments, but there were problems with all the obvious front runners:

The Titanic in Pigeon Forge: Just opened this month... want to make sure it survives the maiden voyage before I move in.

The Titanic in Pigeon Forge: Just opened this month... want to make sure it survives the maiden voyage before I move in.

The world's largest fish, muskie, and fiberglass structure at the National Fresh Water Fishing Hall of Fame: in Wisconsin.

The world's largest fish, muskie, and fiberglass structure at the National Fresh Water Fishing Hall of Fame: in Wisconsin.

Pedro's South of the Border: The Little Africa Shop is always closed.

Pedro's South of the Border: Pedro's Little Africa Shop is always closed.

Although I found many of the monuments that dear Freddy and I saw this summer quite suitable to my needs and taste, I ruled out everything on foreign soil because Jesus was an American. Only heathens and communists would ever consider a move away from Freedom and into the EU. Thankfully, we’ve stolen and perfected everything the Europeans did first (pizza, capitalism, The Beatles, etc), so I narrowed it down to two of our favorite blocks of marble: the Parthenon and the Pantheon.

The Parthenon in Nashville

The Parthenon in Nashville

The Perfected Pantheon in Charlottesville (aka Mr. Jefferson's Rotunda)

The Perfected Pantheon in Charlottesville

Both of these structures far exceed their European counterparts. Nashville’s Parthenon has far fewer holes in the wall (much less rubbley), and Mr. Jefferson fixed all those pesky mathematical errors in the original Parthenon when he built The Rotunda at UVA.

The decision between these two cities and these two structures was intense indeed, but in the end, only one factor truly mattered. The criteria that I base all life-decisions on: which would make Amanda more jealous of me? It was clear. I should move to Charlottesville.

And so at 12:31 am this morning, I made a verbal commitment to move to Charlottesville in August of 2010.

Some will say I’m moving for love, which is partially true:

Beer vincit omnia

all you need is the love

Some will say that this decision was based on where David decided to go to law school and not the reasons stated above. Don’t believe the lies. Would Soleil Sphere lie to you? It was 100% all about the thought of texting Amanda from Mas, posting pictures of me picnicking on the lawn, and sending her bottles of local wine.

As a media partner in this event, Soleil Sphere was supposed to have the right to announce this first; however, a press release was sent out this morning from the office of Senator Jim DeMint, so we can’t claim to truly be breaking this news. I can, however, promise that I didn’t even tell my parents before now. From now on I plan on letting them read all of my life decisions on this blog rather than telling them myself. If they have anything to say to me, they can post it here: http://blog.billhaslam.com/

So, Friends of Fred who I don’t know but maybe you still live in Charlottesville and happen read this… wanna be friends??????

Advertisements

~ by soleilsphere on April 16, 2010.

One Response to “parthenon or pantheon?”

  1. annnnnnie…i feel so on the forefront…i’d already heard this breaking news previously and forgot to say congrats/im jealous/i hate you/eat a bacon wrapped date for me!!! ahhh you can count on visits regularly.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: