II. Vini Vidi Vici (Rome, Italy)

Thu, Jun 25, 2009 at 11:05 AM



You may have thought that Rome was not built in a day, but surely you are wrong, as we conquered it in its entirety in precisely 8 hours. To be quite honest, we thought it a bit shabby, all rubble and sweat. Rubble and sweat.

Beginning our day on only free instant coffee, we visited SANTA MARIA MAGGIORE, and traversed south to DOMUS AUREA, which appeared to be a big pile of rocks. From there, we encircled the COLOSSEUM and mourned the persecution of Christians (it was in shabby shape, to be truthful, clearly shoddy workmanship and signs of wear-we’d come to expect better after millenia of use).

Past the ARCH OF CONSTANTINE we met a few roman guards, passed them because they were friendly (rick steve taught us not to trust kindness in italy), hiked a large hill to enter the forum (an accident, not actually an entrance to the forum but an empty church), and back down to the REAL FORUM enrance (finally), once again disappointed by the state of the buildings (fallen columns, archways unconnected to walls, and a mass of talkative rubble and sweat, none of them speaking HIGH ENGLISH as the Queen teaches).

It took years to find an exit in pan’s labrynth, but we perservered to the COLUMN OF TRAJAN and the PANTHEON (we found it a poor man’s rotunda, nearly unrecognizable in its references to Thomas Jefferson’s tidier more symmetrical version at the University of Virginia, all marble and statued gaudiness, totally classless and obese), breaking for PROSECCO and a light lunch at a 500 year old building.

After, we carried on through the PIAZZA NAVONA, an old chariot course, then across the statue lined PONTE SANT’ANGELO, past CASTEL SANT’ANGELO and onwards and inwards to the VATICAN CITY. Here, we feel Rick Steve was exacting his revenge (because our self-found lunch spot was better than his recommendations) as we were forced (through no fault of our own, surely) 3 KILOMETRES out of the way, around the VATICAN walls, before finding the HIDDEN ENTRANCE to the museum, which we gleefully entered.

Now we really believe that the Vatican is just a Bill Haslam Mayoral plot to make us exercise, as we scuttled through miles of corridor, braving obscene frescos of all sorts, whizzing by Raphel’s SCHOOL OF ATHENS and many pokey tourists, arriving in the SISTINE CHAPEL, where the guards applauded our triumphal entry (though everyone else was hushed). Perfection, as always!

From there we said a quick hello at the grave of our most recently dead pope (no response-rude) and then onwards and upwards to ST PETERS BASCILICA, which was muggy and unmemorable to say the least.

From there we paid our dues to the ILLUMINATI (dressed as American tourists, just as we were, typical) and strode towards the plastic enclosed ARA PACIS, spending about 8 euros a piece and 30 total seconds in the building before collapsing in a trattoria for PINA COLADAS (to fit in with the locals).

From this refreshment, we gained energy to find and conquer the TREVI FOUNTAIN, casting our coins as is tradition but feeling we had surely paid rome our entire respects and need not ever return. Our penultimate destination was annie’s pick, and the highlight of the day, soon to be a tourist hot spot, the CAPPUICCIN CRYPT, loveLY. (Please refer to google image for this one, which made St. Catherine’s head like Child’s play). From there we drug our bodies to SANTA MARIA DELLA VITTORIA to see and marvel at BERNINI’s ST THERESA IN ECSTASY, which propelled us in emotion towards home (stopping only for .50 euro underwear at a chinese lingere shop-annie is out).

Why anyone would want to spend more than a day in this filthy city is beyond us and enough to kill an able bodied man (see previously referred to google images and roman history textbooks), as has been proved through the course of time. We’re considering the publication of a small British-only guide book for our fellow travellers abroad (english only please, no foreigners allowed).

Suggestions? There are none to be had.

Chow chow and onto Amalfi come sunrise! LoveLY!

And love,


~ by soleilsphere on January 7, 2010.

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